So I just got back from a fire drill, and was inspired to write this blog about the experience. A riveting tale full of good reasons why I would be dead right now if there was a real fire in my office build. It all starts out with the fire alarm.

For starters I tend to ignore the fire alarm. About 80% of the time it goes off and it is a glitch in the system. If you wait about five minutes. Building security will tell you to ignore it. It would not be so bad if this did not happen at least once a month. You see fire alarms are not supposed to glitch out. They are meant to save lives, I think. In a rare turn of events we were told it was a drill.

So I get up and proceed to the stairs. After all, a fire is dangerous and we should not use those super fast ovens we call elevators. So the lack of a real fire experience really shows here. I guess that is why this is a drill. It is supposed to show how people are supposed to act... not how they will actually act. For instance if this was a real fire I would wait an extra five or so minutes. Because I need to wait for the people who cannot keep a cool head. You know the ones who will run into this very steep concrete stairwell screaming. >_>... so that means waiting about 5 minutes for the mass screaming to stop. Although it would be funny to watch people go.

Next comes the race down the stairs. I was clever and waited ^_^ You see there will be plenty of groaning and crying. Most office people are not as coordinated as me. So I am assuming there will be plenty of bodies for me to step on and jump over. When the stair wells are empty I can get down 21 flights of stairs on about two and a half minutes. I will be careful around the piles though. Those who have broken limbs might try and attach on to me. -_- I am not a violent person, but I will make sure I am free from their grasp through violence if need be. I will remind them that the smoke inhalation will knock them out and kill them soon enough. So they need to stop whining.

Next comes the other hard part. Fighting my way through all the firemen. After all they will be trying to run into the building to get their blaze of glory. ^_^ As they are wearing armor. I will huddle up next to one of the various concrete pillars and hide till I see an opening. You know kind of like running across the interstate? Once I am safely away from the building I would just head home.

Why bother going to our designated area? Seriously, they are just going to cancel work for the remainder of the day. <_<:.... With any luck my work laptop will burn up and I get a free vacation from work while they send me a new one. So I would just hop on the light rail, and head home. Then again I guess I should check in with my company. Yet I feel compelled to believe that they are wondering if they have to activate my life insurance policy. I think letting them sweat over the major premium rise would be fun. Then it is off to home to do nothing.

Sadly, this is never the case. Everyone waits 20 minutes for building security to tell them to leave. Then they leave, and take the most leisurely walk down the stairs that they possibly can. After all, it is just a drill. Why walk all the way to our check points when we can take our time and hopefully only have to walk to the elevator. After all, it is not like we can use this as an excuse to push back a deadline. It is just a drill. So after about 10 minutes of walking down the stairs. We all take a nice morning stroll to the meet up spot. Where we get to loiter while the fire department gives us the ok to come back. Of course everyone is eager to get back to working. No reason to not milk this right? So there is a line to use the elevator. Then we all come back in, the day resumes and I waste another 20 minutes writing this story. ^_^ I like free breaks at work.